Today I’ve felt unfocused, confused, and both mentally and physically sick. During my classes I was unable to pay attention and write notes…I couldn’t carry on a conversation with a person I normally talk to for hours on end…and I also just wanted to do nothing but sleep because I felt so gross inside, like everything I had eaten in the past couple of days was all of a sudden not sitting well inside me. All in all, this just made for a confusing day.
Just a few minutes ago after trying to eat something for dinner, I sat down broken and was just honest with God. I said God, I’m sorry for being so tempted by human nature. I want to be more focused on You and to truly truly depend on Your faithfulness. I said, Lord, I’m gonna read Your word tonight, and I just want to be encouraged by and find truth in all that I read. So I picked up my Bible and began where I had left off last time, Acts 5. I start reading, and this first part of the chapter is about a man named Ananias and his wife.
Ananias and his wife had recently sold a piece of their land for a sum of money. They said they would give the full amount of this sale to God, but in reality they didn’t. They had kept a portion of this money for themselves, and then given the rest to the Lord. Peter confronts Ananias and asks him why he did what he did, and then says, “You have not lied to men but to God.” The Bible says that when Ananias heard this, he fell to the ground and breathed his last. Then Ananias’ wife comes into the picture and she was not aware of what had just happened to her husband. Then Peter confronts her too, asking how much they had sold it for, and she too lies about the value of the land. Immediately she collapses to the ground and just like her husband, breathes her last. Both were buried side-by-side.
Now I had prayed for encouragement, and then read this. Many may see this as anything but encouraging, maybe just scary. But I instantly became thankful for so much more. I’m thankful for the fact that because of Jesus’ death, God will continually have compassion on me and show me mercy so great that it’s hard to even wrap my mind around. If God killed everyone when they lied to Him, we’d all be in a mess right now. But our God has love like no other. And right now I am in tears over how lucky I am to be loved in such a way that God will forgive me for my lies and other sins. I’d be a mess without Him.
Thank you Lord for that encouragement…and I’m very sorry for being so wrapped up in human nature.
